


All the Feelings That We Hide

by nargleinafez



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Post-Hogwarts, Post-War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24506332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nargleinafez/pseuds/nargleinafez
Summary: A series of moments. Harry and Hermione are in a crossroad in their relationship. Careful not to make the first move, yet inevitably enjoying each other's presence and silently yearning for something more.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	1. Falling on Pavements

_Falling on Pavements_

A door chimed from an establishment where two figures just exited. It was pretty late but there were still people around Greek street and the two clung to each other as if their lives depended on it. They seemed to be stumbling more than walking; their steps non-linear. One of them had nearly fallen before the other had caught a part of their clothing and clumsily pulled. A feminine laugh echoed and broke their silence.

"Merlin, Hermione, watch your step. I could've fallen too, you know? " Harry commented but gave a lazy grin at her, hands still clutching his dinner jacket which she wore over her dress.

"We should do this more often." She was still laughing and it seemed to have infected him for he was laughing too.

"What? _Fall_ on pavements?" He asked once he'd calmed down.

"No, silly, have a night out." She replied her face towards him and closer. _Without Ron_ , she wanted to add. She looked away.

He stared at her for quite a bit suddenly losing his train of thought.

"Are you having a seizure?" She suddenly asked.

"What?" He blinked twice, looked away from her, and then looked back at her again.

"You were staring blankly at me. I thought you've had one. I mean there's a thing called silent seizures." She explained, never mind the shiver that wasn't from the cold night air.

He shook his head, grinned, and then said, "Even drunk you're still spouting info."

"I read it from a Muggle journal and I'm not drunk!"

"The way you're walking and the stumbling says otherwise."

"You've had your fair share of drinks too!" She argued, slapping him playfully on the shoulder.

He slowly let go of her to raise his hands in surrender. "Let's just keep on walking. We can't apparate. We can catch the last train."

Hermione nodded and let him encircle his arm around her waist as they both tried to start walking again. They were silent again. Something was bubbling within and she quite liked it.

"Oops..." She said when they finally arrived at the Underground station. "We missed the tube and my head's still spinning." She let herself slide down to a nearby post dragging Harry along with her to the cold and dirty floor.

"What-" He didn't have time to argue and let himself fall to the ground beside her. She started laughing again.

"I feel so light. Like I'm floating." She said.

"Light? You're heavy." He jokingly complained but he wasn't complaining about the fact that his head was now on her lap. How they got into this position, he didn't want to dwell on it. Some things are better off without any explanations.

"I'm not heavy. You're just weak." She playfully smacked his arm then gave out a sigh. "What are we supposed to do now?"

"Hmm..." Harry closed his eyes as he felt her unknowingly begin to play with his hair like it was a habit etched in her brain. "Dunno... wait for the bus? Muggle bus? The Knight bus?"

Another sigh from her. "Maybe in a bit."

He only agreed. He liked this, whatever they're doing. Silence again. He liked the comfort emancipating from her. It felt warm. It was something undefined, for now. He let it be.

"Do you remember the last time it was only the two of us?" She asked, there was something in her tone–like a yearning.

Harry thought for a while. The last few months had been nothing but a whirlwind of meeting with Ministry officials, helping with the restoration of Hogwarts, giving space to the Weasleys, and being smothered by the Weasleys. It still felt weird that Lord Voldemort was finally gone. He wanted to pretend that the losses never happened but he didn't want to insult the dead.

"You and me?" He breathed out, something was gnawing inside him.

"Mhmm."

"Well..." He didn't really know how to say it out loud. "That time when Ron left." He angled his head a bit to gauge her reaction. He expected her to react badly but her face had only looked serene and unaffected.

She could feel the way he was peering at her face. She knew what he was thinking, sort of. She was tipsy or drunk, either or whatever but even so, she had enough to say, "I miss that. The tent. Just you and me."

He brought himself to look at her closely. Their faces mere inches away from each other that all it took would be a short movement from either. He didn't say anything and only nodded.

"Harry-"

"Hermione-"

They were still gazing at each other. They've looked at each other for so long. They've been best friends for so long. But tonight, this moment felt different. A moment defined by a question: _Do you see me the way I see you?_

There is no definite answer. Not yet anyway. They decide to let it be. To get away with it. Maybe think of it on some other time. No more words exchanged between them. They only smiled and suddenly felt more drunk from something stronger than the drinks they just had.


	2. Midnight Tea

She couldn't sleep.

Hermione Granger tossed and turned on her bed but she simply couldn't help it. The book she had been reading was left unattended on her side table. The topic was interesting but there was something else, there was something in her head and it had been bothering her. She gave out a sigh and got up from her bed. It was already past midnight. She stood up for a while letting her forehead lean on the door. She didn't know what she was going to do. She started muttering, started having some internal battle. Hermione vs Hermione. A seemingly endless debate that wouldn't produce a winner. She sighed again. She wanted to bang head against the door but she wasn't the only one living in this flat. She didn't want to disturb her flatmates just cause she was experiencing some madness. She shook her head over the foolishness and finally opened the door.

_To hell with it_.

Slowly she tiptoed towards another door, the one across her room. She knocked then spoke, "Harry?".

She waited for a response. Maybe he was already asleep. She turned around in defeat, something . deflated in her and that strike of odd confidence, of madness from a while ago had quickly evaporated. She wasn't able to firmly grasp it. At least she tried though. She turned around to go return to her room but stopped when she heard the kettle whistling from the kitchen.

"Harry," She entered the kitchen. He was in the process of pouring boiling water into his mug. His back was towards her. He summoned another mug for her. He turned around to face her, both hands held the mugs now with tea bags. His hair was all mussed up, more than the usual. The emerald eyes behind his round frames looked sleepless and tired. He gave her a soft smile when he saw the concern etched on her face, reassuring her. He jerked his head to the left, indicating the table. She gladly accepted the mug of hot tea as they both sat across each other.

She watched him closely as he blew the steam off his mug before taking a sip. She wasn't sure why she was doing this. She focused on her tea. She could smell the herbal scent of the mint. It felt nostalgic and refreshing. This was 'hers'. Her usual brand was bought from an organic shop run by a squib. She used to be the only one to drink this certain tea but ever since he had 'discovered' it one day, it had become his too. She didn't mind though. It was always good to share one's enjoyable beverage with someone they care about. She took a sip and noticed how his eyes fell on her. It was like a game. Taking turns drinking tea and looking at each other. No words exchanged. This wasn't the first time. Lately, they've been stealing glances from each other. Like they're seeing each other from a different perspective. Only a breath away and it seems neither of them was going to put a meaning to it.

Their mugs laid empty now and suddenly there were no more excuses. Harry watched her play with the strings of the teabag. She was biting her lip. He knew her. He knew her so very well that he knew that she wanted to say something at this very moment but held herself back. He didn't want to force her or anything though. Never. He'd always thought to let things move or happen naturally. Forcing felt wrong. After all, isn't the journey more important than the destination?

He continued to observe her. She was still busy with whatever she was doing. For a moment, he paused. A freeze-frame moment. Like suddenly his heart had skipped a beat. He wasn't sure what it was and why. Maybe he'd been staring at her for too long, maybe it was the new bulbs that Ron had replaced this morning. Or maybe because it was the middle of the night, Ron's asleep like the dead, and that they were alone again. Undisturbed. It was like getting a fresh pair of lenses that made everything clear, that made a light pass through the right places. There was something effervescent and enchanting with the way the warm light cast on her face, her whole profile. He could see her freckles clearly, it's usually covered by the light makeup she puts on during the day. He always knew he liked the shapes and proportions of her face and there was the sudden want to trace them lightly with his fingers. He wanted to know if she'd react the way he would but then her hazel brown eyes aligned with his again. It had broken the short spell. Harry moved his hands to grip on his mug. A small relief that he had stopped himself.

She had consciously evaded him for a while. She pretended that the tea bag was the most interesting thing in the world. The truth is that she didn't want to act out so suddenly. Caution must always be practised especially with fragile things. A road when taken, one could never go back to the same way. He closed his eyes as if he had fallen asleep. She didn't mind though. He opened his eyes again after a moment. She knew him for most of their lives. She knew that this man in front of her had different layers and only a few such as herself knew or encountered all of them. Public Harry was miles away from Private Harry. The Harry in front of her now as a rare one, one she hasn't really encountered in a long time. This was 'Midnight Harry'.

She called him that because she had noticed this during the war when they were on the run. That time again when Ron was gone. When they had to take turns wearing that horrible locket. Harry's shifts usually ended around midnight. Right before it, while he still wore it, she could see the turmoil that brewed within him. Once he took the locket out, a certain calmness would wash over him. The way he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and then slowly opened his eyes. He would give her this peaceful look and it was one of the reasons why she stuck, why she fought so hard to end that war. It was because she wanted to see him like that all the time. Calm, serene, peaceful-like none of the bad things were happening to him. Midnight Harry found the calmness and peace in between those short moments. It was something she treasured so much. She didn't think anyone else had seen this from him. Not Ginny. Not Ron. Just her. Something of him that she had.

She looked at him and she only wished she could do this all the time without hesitation. It was enough, she thought. It felt enough. To do more, well, that's something else. Their eyes connected and she could do so much to restrain herself. Restrain? She shook her head. There wouldn't be any restraining to do if she hadn't been thinking about the things that kept her up at night. Especially tonight.

She saw the confused look on his face. Midnight Harry's appearance has ended. She calmed herself. Ready for a change of ambiance.

"What are you thinking about, Harry?" She asked softly.

He closed his eyes again. "I don't think I want to talk about it." He opened his eyes. "I don't think I _should_ though." She only nodded, a bit disappointed if she were being truthful.

"Not here anyway." He added.

A glimmer of hope was then etched on her face.

**Author's Note:**

> Something I wanted to post while I mull more on my other WIPs. This was an unfinished one shot that's been sitting in my Docs folder. Thought I'd break the scenes and post from time to time. Stay safe out there!


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